Here we are, the final Sunday of 2020. Is there anything to say about this year that hasn't already been said? It's been a crazy one, that's for sure, and certainly nothing like any of us expected! I'll be ringing in the New Year at home alone — we're currently in a lockdown — and I'm honestly okay with that. Not that I don't like a good party, but I'm also okay with a little quiet contemplation, reflecting on the past and looking forward to the coming year.
When I look back on this year, I am full of gratitude. Thankfully, my friends and family have stayed healthy, and we've all been able to weather the storm. Sure, there have been some bumpy seas, but we're all still here and we're all still afloat, and that's what's most important. Others haven't been so lucky, and my heart goes out to them — especially those who've lost loved ones, not just to COVID but in general. I can't imagine not being allowed into a hospital to spend those last moments together, or not being able to have a ceremony to celebrate a life after it has passed.
Will things ever be the same? I don't know. I'm sure we'll get back to parties and socializing and travelling like we used to, but I also feel like there's been a bit of a shift this past year. We've been forced to think about what's important to us and how we might make our lives a little more meaningful going forward — at least I have.
Every New Year's Eve, my girlfriends and I have to choose "our word" for the next year — a word that represents our goals or "state of mind" for the coming year. When we first started a few years ago, I chose "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," which immediately got vetoed by the group, as did my second choice, "curry" as in the spice. As you can tell, I didn't really take the exercise too seriously at first, and I'll admit I thought it was a little dumb.
As the years passed, my attitude changed and I really began to think about what I wanted my word to be. Last year my word was "driven" and the year before that it was "grit." I'm not sure I followed through on "driven" this past year — or maybe the "driven" just didn't manifest itself the way I thought it would. I had visions of starting my next novel, creating an online course, and ramping up my online businesses and community. A year later, I've accomplished nothing that was on that list. Well, I have started the novel, but page one is not remotely close to "The End."
Honestly? I'm okay with all of that. I thought I wouldn't be, but surprisingly, I am. Sometimes the universe just has other plans in mind. I was "driven" — it just revealed itself in a different way. I managed to single-handedly totally transform my backyard into a beautiful oasis, even if it did mean lugging one hundred and three bags of 66 lb cement for the patio. I also canned and preserved over a hundred jars of pasta sauce, jams, fruits, mustards, and anything and everything I could think of. My friends and family have a few other adjectives to describe my behaviour, but I'm sticking with "driven."
I think when we look back on the past year, we have to look with an open mind and not be so black and white in our assessment of how we've done or what we have and haven't accomplished. There's a lot of shades of grey in life and I think that's the best place to hover, especially for those of us who tend to have ridiculous expectations of ourselves.
I've learned a lot about myself this past year and I've come to an understanding about the journey I'm on. I can't push it in directions that it doesn't want to go or force it to go faster. I just can't — trust me, I've tried. I've learned to be patient with it all and trust what my heart is telling me, because it's usually right. I feel like I'm in the best place mentally and emotionally that I've been in in years.
I've spent a great deal of time these past few years looking back, and there's nothing wrong with looking back, especially if you find comfort in those memories, but sometimes you can get stuck in the "what ifs" and "should haves." I have a laundry list of those, and they have taken up far too much of my brain space. I want this year to be different. I want to focus on what's ahead, not what's behind — and boy, do I have a lot ahead of me.
I have a life filled with love and acceptance, great friends, and a fabulous family. There will be weddings and new babies and so much to celebrate. I have a great place to live, vegetables to grow in my awesome garden, and things to build in my shop. I have stories to write and adventures to go on. I have new people to meet and hopefully inspire and motivate in some small way.
So this New Year's, 2021, I've decided my word will be "forward." Forward in my thinking, forward in my actions, and forward on my journey. I'm so excited for the next chapter of my life and looking forward — see what I did there? — to everything it has lined up for me.
This New Year's Eve, as I sit by my fireplace and bask in the glimmer of my Christmas tree, I'll sip on a glass of wine and take a few moments to give thanks for everyone and everything in my life. I am blessed beyond words, especially with love and friendship, and in my opinion, those are the greatest blessings ever.
As you ring in the New Year, what are you thankful for? What are you looking forward to this coming year? Do you have a word? I hope that this coming year is full of love and light for all of you, and I can't express my gratitude to all of you who follow this blog and take precious time out of your day to read it. I really do appreciate it!
Happy New Year!