There's a well-known phrase that states 'it's always darkest before the dawn,' which can be interpreted as meaning that things always seem their worst before they start to improve. It's been a tough week. My sister and another close friend are on the front lines of the COVID crisis. Since it began, they've done an incredible job at keeping the residents of the long-term care facility they work at safe and COVID-free, but unfortunately this week the virus found a way in, and now they are dealing with a severe outbreak among both residents and staff. There has been severe sickness. There has been death. It is a horrible situation, and they are both under enormous pressure and enormous stress.
It's taking its toll. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm not sure how much more they can take. As a bystander, I feel completely helpless and useless. I do what I can to support my sister and send as much love and understanding as I can, but it's nothing really. There is nothing tangible I can do to help her and all the others on the front lines fighting this except follow the guidelines, wear my mask, wash my hands, and stay the hell home as much as I can.
Don't negate how hard it is to be someone on the outside having to watch your loved ones battle through these tough, horrific times day after day. It's a helpless feeling. And if that's you, then my heart is with you and your family.
My patience and tolerance for those who believe COVID is 'Fake News' or that this is all about government control is wearing extremely thin. I'm by no means a confrontational person but this week I've found myself typing responses to ridiculously ignorant social media posts and then just deleting them before I posted. It just wasn't worth the hassle and getting into an argument with someone who received their medical degree from a YouTube video. For my own mental health, I just stopped logging on to Facebook mid-week.
Then the insurrection at the United States Capitol happened on the 6th and it was like holy shit, what is happening in this world? I found myself glued to the news channels for the next couple of days. By Friday afternoon, I knew I had to turn the television off. I needed a break from 'Breaking News' and 'COVID Updates.' I could feel myself spiralling into a sullen mood, and I knew I had to be proactive and shut that shit down.
I turned off the TV, bundled up in my winter gear, and went for a walk. Ignoring the volume control warning on my phone, I turned that bitch up as loud as I could stand it. The air was crisp and cold, but the late afternoon sun was still shining. A perfect January day.
It only took about five minutes for the endorphins to start pumping their magic through my system, and with each step, I could feel the tension of the past week begin to lessen. Music helps. Music always helps. And of course, with each new song and each new beat, I have to tailor my walk to keep that beat. By the time angry 90s girl Alanis Morissette came on, I was in full bad-ass, 'do NOT F*** with me' strut mode, arms flailing and head bobbing. Thank God it was dark by then and I was more inconspicuous.
Good times. We have to remember them to get ourselves through these dark days right now. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty for even laughing a little when so many people are hurting and literally fighting to save lives or for their own life.
These are trying, terrible times, and there is no one right way to react or deal with what is happening. I wish I had the answers or some magical words to make it all go away. We need to lean on those in our circle and not be afraid to ask or accept help in any capacity. We need to know in our hearts that someday, this will be over.
So what can I do? Well, I can continue to go for walks and get as much exercise as I can, because I know for me it is paramount to my wellbeing. I can stay off social media as much as possible. I can make sure I'm eating and doing simple things like my dishes and cleaning up my space. When I do talk to my sister for those few minutes at night before she crashes, I can be supportive, be myself, try to make her laugh, and not continually talk about what's going on. I think when she gets home, she just wants a few minutes of normalcy.
There's an African proverb that says, 'However long the night, the dawn will break.' Well, anytime this night wants to wrap it up and break the dawn, I think we'd all be much obliged. The world is tired. You are tired. I am tired. I hope that dawn breaks before we do.
In the meantime, I hope it's okay that I keep writing these trivial little posts about life and inspiration and hope. You don't have to read them, but it's something I need to do to help keep my own sanity. And if maybe one little thing resonates or gets you to crack a smile or even laugh, then I'll feel like maybe I am helping in some small way to ease the pain — and that will make me happy, which will in turn give me energy that I can directly focus on those closest to me. A big circle of love.
And some of that energy I'm using right now to practise my rendition of 'Tomorrow' from the Broadway musical Annie that I'm going to perform for my sister over Skype tonight when she gets home from work. I know she's going to LOVE it!
The sun will come out, my friends. We've just got to hang on as best we can.