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To Chew or Not To Chew

by Trish Faber

     I went to my first NHL game the other night with my Dad, sister and her oldest son, a contest between the Detroit Red Wings and the Buffalo Sabres.  The game was exciting and the atmosphere in the Joe Louis Arena was electrifying.  It was the sort of event everyone should be privileged to attend at least once in their lifetime.   I know I was lucky, especially since the seats were free and only four rows from the ice.  Being a rapid hockey fan, I was in heaven.  Until the start of the third period.

       As we settled back into our seats readying for the puck drop, my sister casually leaned over and whispered, “the guy sitting next to me is chewing tobacco and spitting it into a cup.”  Now I’d noticed the man was double-fisting when he walked by, but I thought both cups were full of beer.  A regular sight at the game.  Acceptable behavior if you know how to hold your liquor.  But chewing tobacco?  I guess being a non-smoker myself, I just figured that a no smoking rule covered all tobacco products.  Apparently I was mistaken.

     Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude or an over-zealous anti-smoking lobbyist or even anti chew.  People should generally have the freedom to do what they like as long as it doesn’t affect others around them.  Unfortunately watching the man chew the tobacco, spit it into a clear plastic cup, then chase it down with a swig of beer made me nauseous and a little concerned for the man’s health.  So I did some research.

     According to www.tabaccofacts.org, chewing tobacco or spit tobacco is made from a mixture of tobacco, nicotine, sweeteners, abrasives, salts and over 3000 chemicals and 28 of those chemicals are known to be carcinogens such as

• Polonium 210 or in laymen’s terms, nuclear waste
• formaldehyde- embalming fluid
• cadmium- used in car batteries
• cyanide
• arsenic
• lead

MMM yummy!  No wonder the spit trapped in his five o’clock shadow looked like diarrhea.  It was all waste.  Chemical waste.  How attractive.  I know I wanted to reach over and plant a big, sloppy kiss on his mug.  Too bad he was wearing a wedding ring.  Another missed opportunity for me.

     It’s not just about the obvious health risks like gum disease, tooth decay and disease, loss of bone in the jaw, yellowing of the teeth and cancer.  It’s about the chronic bad breath chewing the chaw causes.

     Boys listen up!  No woman wants a man with chronic bad breath.  A little body odor we can handle, there’s over the counter remedies for that, but if you open up your mouth and emit a smell that even resembles a funeral parlor, I can guarantee, your girl is not going to be in the mood.  Now or ever.

     So put the chew away, brush your teeth and maybe even suck on a mint, (it can’t hurt) and whatever you do don’t make me hold your spit cup while you go to the bathroom.  It’s in bad taste.  I loved going to the game but please let me enjoy the third period in peace.